Exclusive Celts launch £(insert price tag in line with Sir David's famous "if they spend a fiver" Speech) bid to land (Throw dart at map of Europe, Hugh is not allowed to do this for Health and safety reasons) strike star
By Colin Duncan and Hugh Keevins
CELTIC have launched a £(see Sir David's speech above) bid to land (random crap nations) World Cup star (insert random under-achiever)
The Parkhead club have already held discussions with (insert dart location) aimed at bringing the striker to Glasgow as Strachan (never use his first name or refer to him with any respect) steps up his efforts to strengthen his squad.
Celtic boss Strachan has received glowing scouting reports on the powerful (insert height over 6 foot) hitman he views as an ideal replacement for John Hartson/Chris Sutton/Henrik Larsson (delete as applicable).
The manager is hoping to supplement his team with at least three new faces before the transfer deadline closes at the end of the month and (random under achiever) tops his list (after the 30 or so targets we have already linked with them) along with (insert championship team) left-back (random champ manager left back).
(insert ground of championship team) manager (refer to champ manager again ) yesterday confirmed Celtic's interest in the 26-year-old defender who is likely to cost the champions £(under half a mill )
Sources in (larger area surrounding dart )last night confirmed the interest in (world cup under achiever )and it's understood (dart location ) are more than willing to do business.
Many bothan spies died bringing you this information.
Yours in Celtic
Clydebuilt