Following the vicious assault on Neil Lennon the tabloid editorials reluctantly admitted that, even though he may have deserved it for being a 'controversial' figure, something needed to be done about this 'old firm sectarianism' on our city streets. But even they must have been struggling to continually justify this 'old firm' tag they so readily apply to these stories. You can just imagine them girding their loins as, against all their instincts, they prepared to confront the unpalatable truth that it was not an 'old firm' problem it was a Rangers problem............
Manna from heaven
And then, like manna from heaven, a Celtic forum gave them just the excuse they needed to turn the victim community into the aggressor. The gleeful banner headlines proclaimed that Celtic fans had issued death threats to Nacho Novo. In a thread relating to Novo on a Celtic forum someone published the name of a street and insinuated that this was the area where the vermin-faced Rangers forward lived. Not a house name, not a street number, but the name of a very large street.
A street so large in fact that it contains a college campus.
There were no 'death threats' in the thread, just the usual banter you'll find on most football forums when discussing the players of cross-town rivals. But that didn't stop the red-tops going to town with quotes from the police, quotes from Nacho, quotes from Rangers' head of security, quotes from Nacho's concerned cat........
I'm sure you get the picture.
Enter Mogwai
The indie-rock band Mogwai are keen Celtic fans and have been known to appear on stage wearing the hoops. They are currently on tour and updated their online tour diary with the release date of their latest single. Obviously aware of the tabloid-fuelled Novo controversy the band stated " One last thing, if our single "Batcat" fails to reach the Top 10 in the UK, we will proceed to release one home address per week of a Glasgow Rangers football player. Nacho was the warning shot, wait till we get round to your first team players. Put a Donk on it. "
Now I realise that's a joke, you realise that's a joke, the world realises that's a joke, right?. But to the editor of the Scottish Sun it was a serious threat. "CELTIC-mad rockers Mogwai have vowed to publish the addresses of Rangers stars ... " they screamed hysterically.
Mogwai replied "The Sun newspaper........: They are running a story related to this very tour diary where we joked that we'd release Rangers player's addresses if Batcat doesn't go top 10. Apparently Rangers Football Club are "actively investigating" the matter. This perhaps explains why we've noticed dodgy looking folk in our audiences attending the last few shows wearing bowler hats, dignified brown brogues and orange sashes. They didn't look like Mogwai fans to us and we've just found a hidden camera in the Mogwai portable tour chapel, which we feel may be the property of a certain humourless football club in Glasgow."
Topsy Turvy Tabloid World
It's a topsy turvy tabloid world we live in where edgy online humour is a serious threat and generates media hysteria whilst sectarian thugs seriously assaulting an ex-Celtic icon is seen as a bit of a laugh. Only in Scotland.